Thursday, February 25, 2010

Aye, Yii, Yii, Yiii

Ya know how some people collect stamps or coins, while others collect comic books or marbles... And then you have the people who collect thimbles or seashells, and others who collect baseball cards or records... Sometimes, you may even bump into people who collect QSL cards or post cards, and others who collect salt and pepper shakers or antiques... Well, I have a collection of my own. And it's not just the most spectacular collection you've ever seen, it's freakin' awesome!

It all started with the birth of the Frito Corn Chip. Then, came the Frito Corn Chip mascot -- The Frito Bandito himself. Afterwards, spawned the creation of The Frito Bandito prize. And THAT'S where my collection lies.

I give you The Frito Bandito (& Gang) of pencil toppers, otherwise known as, erasers.

Picture 1 - The original Frito Corn Chip mascot: The Frito Bandito, pencil topper, from 1967. My extensive collection consists of The Frito Bandito in five lustrous colors: red, yellow, blue, green, and pink.

Picture 2 - After banning The Frito Bandito in 1970 for, um, stereotypical reasons, he was replaced with the Muncha Bunch, a group of cowboys. My not so extensive collection consists of three vibrant colors: yellow, red, and blue.

Picture 3 - Then, in 1971, the Frito Corn Chip mascot was handed over to W.C. Fritos, who was modeled after W.C. Fields. My equally less than extensive collection consists of three wondrous colors: blue, red, and pink.

And that ladies and gentlemen, is my collection. I hope you like it. If you feel the need to know more, you may visit: Frito Bandito for more information.
And with that, I'll leave you with one song in mind....
Aye, yii, yii, yiiii, oh, I am the Frito Bandito.
Give me Frito's Corn Chips and I'll be your friend.
The Frito Bandito you must not offend.
Okay, everybody sing!!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Lepidoptera Dulcitude

Here’s a recipe that’s been in my family for many generations. I thought I’d share it with you.

Nanny’s Butterfly Cake

2 sticks of butter
1-½ cups flour
1-½ cups sugar
3 large eggs
2 tsp. vanilla

Preheat oven to 325ยบ. In a large bowl, blend butter and flour with pastry wisk until beads form. In a small bowl mix eggs, sugar, and vanilla with electric mixer until lemony yellow. Combine the sugar mixture with the butter/flour mixture until well blended. Bake in greased and floured tube pan for approximately 1 hour.

Now, let me explain something about this so-called Butterfly Cake. It’s far from being anything like a butterfly. It’s not light and fluffy. It’s never going to take off and fly (without help). And, it’s basically not colorful. So why would anybody name it Butterfly Cake? I have no freakin’ idea.

Once it’s baked, it weighs like, ten or twenty pounds. I kid you not! Okay, I may have exaggerated a little but you get the idea. And, after about three days, provided that you didn’t eat the whole darn thing, which I wouldn’t recommend under any circumstance, it’s so hard and heavy you could register it as a lethal weapon.

If for some unknown reason, you didn’t bother to eat it after you bothered to make it, you could put a handle on top of it and use it for the sport of Curling. Or, you could train for the Olympics and enter the Discus competition, being exceptionally careful not to kill someone when you launch that sucker. Basically, you could use it for many things such as a doorstop, a paperweight, an anchor, or possibly even a step stool for those unpretentious items just out of reach.

But, should you decide to eat this ever so delicious cake, you might just find it absolutely scrumptious, and it wouldn’t be around long enough to use for any of the above. I hope you enjoy it in any capacity.

PS – DO NOT, and I mean DO NOT go swimming after eating this cake!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Purple Majesty

So, being the celebrity hunter that I am, when I heard (from a top secret source) that there was going to be a renowned celebrity at one of the local fast food chain establishments, I found myself going from 0 to 60 in about 3.4 seconds leaving nothing but trails of smoke in my wake.

When I arrived, I was thunderstruck to find the one and only Grimace greeting people at the door. Now, let me ask you this, would you dare ask such a great and powerful purple being, such as the Grimace himself, to stop and take a few precious minutes out of his busy schedule to take a picture with you? Hell yeah!

With the exhilaration of being in close proximity of such an illustrious individual, I may have gotten a little too carried away with my relentless hugging of His Colossal Purple Godliness. He took it as an invasion of his personal space. I mean, come on! I was standing next to the Grimace for crying out loud!

The next thing I knew, the Grimace, in all his purple immensity, slowly started to back away, making his way toward the office for “Managers Only,” claiming he was overdue for a break. As he attempted to squeeze past the overstocked counter, his rotundness sent all the napkins, ketchup packets, and plastic-ware flying throughout. It was quite the spectacle. Then, he had the audacity to give me that “look” like it was my fault. Celebrities!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Stripe a Pose

It may behoove you to learn that there is a difference within the species of Stripus Varandi, i.e. zebras. And, I’m not just talking male and female here. That, should be obvious. No, what I’m referring to is definitely much more obscure. To one’s dismay, there are, in fact, precisely two types of zebras – those that are black with white stripes, and those that are white with black stripes. Now, the way to tell the difference, if I may say, is by close examination of the window to the soul – in other words, the eye!

Seventy-nine point two percent of all living zebras are black with white stripes. The reason, black being the dominant color. This presents itself in the superlative coloring of the zebra’s eyelashes. At close examination, if you find the eyelashes to be black, the zebra is in fact, a black zebra with white stripes. If you are fortunate enough to find a zebra with white eyelashes, well, then, you are basically a lucky son of a gun.

A zebra with white eyelashes simply means that you have set your sights on one of most esteemed varieties in all the Equus sovereignty -- a white zebra with black stripes. Now, although the white variety is indeed harder to find, and getting close enough to determine the color of the lashes is a feat unto itself, they are not as rare as say, finding a four leaf clover. Finding one of those would grant you the title of, One Heck of a Lucky Son of a Gun.

I’d like to also bring to your attention that there is a slight difference in temperament between black and white zebras. The fuliginous stripus varandi, the black with white stripe variety, has a more audacious and willful temperament while the auricomous stripus varandi, the white with black stripe variety, has a more placid and refined temperament. It was said by the famous philosopher, Euripides J. Constantinides, who died in 1431, that if one should ever find themselves in the presence of a scarce white zebra with black stripes, your life would succumb to enchantment and delight. Now, I ask you, wouldn’t that be extraordinary?